1
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:18,240
Well, it's not going to win fastest
search dog at Crufts, is it, Millsy?

2
00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:21,040
It? The dog's got a name, boss.
Monty.

3
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:24,360
Come on, Monty. Find the device,
yeah?

4
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:27,200
Yeah, Monty, and get turned into
fine doggie mist!

5
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:28,800
Er, no! No, boss.

6
00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:30,520
Ow!

7
00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:33,960
Rather him than me, though, right?

8
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:35,080
S'pose.

9
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,680
Lucky we've got all day.
I don't think he's well, boss.

10
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:45,280
Oh, then, should we take the lickle
bow-wow to the special doggy doctor?

11
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:47,160
Hey! Good boy!

12
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:49,040
Hey, Monty! Monty!

13
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:50,760
Good boy, Monty! Good boy?!

14
00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,680
He didn't find anything!

15
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:55,320
He's not well, is he? Is he, is he?

16
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,360
Right.
I suppose it's all down to me, then.

17
00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,720
He doesn't look happy. Do you?

18
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:03,200
Er...highly skilled being
with opposable thumbs here.

19
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:04,920
Ooooh!

20
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,040
Would I command more
of your attention

21
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:08,640
if I licked my own bollocks?

22
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,880
Yeah, obviously. Er, yeah.

23
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:41,120
So until the doggy-woggy is
bettery-wettery,

24
00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:42,640
the operation's on hold.

25
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:44,400
Can't they spare another dog?
Apparently not.

26
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,040
I imagine they're all busy
being rogered by their handlers.

27
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:50,160
So we can strap in for several days
of sitting on our arses,

28
00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,960
and you, Mac, can masturbate
to your heart's content.

29
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:54,040
Gleaming.

30
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,880
I imagine it will be.

31
00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:57,840
Don't forget to rinse Gloria out
afterwards, yeah?

32
00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:00,960
Ignore them, Gloria. They don't
understand what we have together.

33
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:04,760
Hi, guys. Ah!

34
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:06,640
Good afternoon.
ALL MURMUR GREETINGS

35
00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:09,120
So, I was thinking, I'd like to do
something really special

36
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:11,560
for everyone. Excellent.
I want to get everyone together,

37
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,880
have a bit of fun,
bit of light relief.

38
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:15,840
Ooh, sounds like an orgy, Padre. No!

39
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:19,000
I was thinking...a Mexican night.

40
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,120
Nice one, Padre!

41
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,440
A Mexican night?
Rejoicing in the culture

42
00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,800
and history of that proud nation.
Exactly.

43
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,120
The cookhouse got sent a job lot
of out-of-date Doritos, did they?

44
00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:29,360
That may also be the truth, yes.

45
00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:31,280
Let's celebrate this administrative
error by wearing

46
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,320
false moustaches and talking
in slightly racist accents.

47
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:37,240
IN MEXICAN ACCENTS: Hola, amigo!
You looking at my donkey?

48
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,320
Arriba, arriba!

49
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:41,560
That the kind of thing you had in
mind? I just thought it might be fun.

50
00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:44,160
And I hear you guys aren't too busy,
so if anyone would like to help...

51
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,200
Yeah, because when we're not risking
our lives bravely defusing bombs,

52
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,680
we generally enjoying painting
pretty pictures of cacti.

53
00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:50,960
Gay! It is my job to organise

54
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,920
this kind of thing, Nick. Didn't
the last padre do theme nights?

55
00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:55,000
Yes and no.

56
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,280
French night involved baguette
fencing and a garlic-eating contest.

57
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,520
Spanish night involved
Mac dressing up as a bull

58
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:03,120
and us trying to poke him
with bayonets,

59
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,160
and Pakistani night involved

60
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,800
the resignation
of two of our translators.

61
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:11,360
I think it's safe to say the bar for
theme nights has been set pretty low.

62
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:14,120
Reading between the lines, I think
Nick's saying, "Don't bother."

63
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:15,760
Oh, you got that too? Right.

64
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,440
Thanks for the support, guys.

65
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,320
I think a Mexican night is a good
idea. No, not doing it.

66
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:22,720
THEY ALL CHAT
Ooh, hello!

67
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:23,760
Stranger!

68
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,800
I'm Captain Parikh, Veterinary Corps?

69
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:28,560
Here to see Monty, who's unwell,
obviously.

70
00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:29,720
Otherwise why would I be here?

71
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,320
Well, it is a lovely part
of the world

72
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:34,120
especially if you like sweating
and/or being blown to pieces.

73
00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,960
Tell me about it. So...

74
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:40,840
Monty is...looking a bit forlorn
and is very sleepy.

75
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,760
So that's scientific.
SHE GIGGLES

76
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,160
Sorry, Corporal B...

77
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,880
Lynda. Bird.

78
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:50,400
Belinda Bird? Bird.

79
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:51,680
Lynda. Corporal.

80
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,480
Signals. Bleep.

81
00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,800
Bird, are you speaking in Morse?

82
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,440
Sir, would you like some scran?

83
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:58,880
I-I was about to ask you
the same thing.

84
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:01,640
I should probably crack on
with treating the dog.

85
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,400
Get to the bottom of it,
possibly literally.

86
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,120
LAUGHS LOUDLY
Roger that!

87
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,280
Not roger it, as in fuck it.

88
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:12,920
But as in, you know, um... Let me
point you in the right direction.

89
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,400
In fact, I could show you.

90
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:17,080
I could be your escort.
Not escort as in prostitute,

91
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,680
obviously, I'm not offering
to have sex with you.

92
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,040
You'd have to buy me dinner first.

93
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:25,120
Not that that would mean, um,
we-we were in, er...

94
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,480
Jesus!

95
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:27,840
I know.

96
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,280
Worst flirt ever.

97
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,400
Right, Millsy, what am I doing next?

98
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,160
Your paperwork, boss. Ah, yes.

99
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,440
Oh, Millsy?

100
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,880
Could you do my paperwork?

101
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,280
Sure thing, boss.

102
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,720
Hey! What's this doing here?

103
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,680
One of them sappers
must have left it.

104
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,400
Probably that poor fucker
that lost his arms. Ha!

105
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,520
"Property of Lance Corporal
Jack Ferris."

106
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:48,440
Fuck.

107
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:50,880
I didn't know!

108
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:54,000
You know, I've always wanted
to learn how to play the guitar.

109
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,600
As long as you make sure you focus
on that

110
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:59,000
and not all that paperwork
I may have recently mentioned. What?

111
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,400
Oh. Yeah.

112
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:13,720
And you're sure it's OK for me
to use the chapel?

113
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,160
Yeah, of course. It's just,
Charlotte sent me this DVD

114
00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:18,080
so I could learn the waltz
for the wedding.

115
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,560
I thought it best to keep it quiet.

116
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:21,320
You know how Mac and Rocket would
react.

117
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,800
IN SCOTTISH ACCENT: Aye. Gay!

118
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,040
Sorry, terrible accent.

119
00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:27,640
Yes, it was.

120
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,000
Yeah. Learning to waltz, though.
It's a good idea.

121
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,600
If you get it right,
Charlotte will find it proper sexy.

122
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,760
I don't need it to be sexy,
I need it to be right.

123
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,160
Oh, yeah, of course, yeah.

124
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:39,720
But it's very hard to say no
to a man who can dance.

125
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,920
You think she might say no? I thought
the dance was AFTER the vows.

126
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,920
Shit! No, it's just an expression.

127
00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,040
Oh, right.

128
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,160
Good.

129
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:48,720
Yeah.

130
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,280
I'm a sucker for dancing.

131
00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:51,800
I did salsa with my ex for a while.

132
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:55,360
Oh, was that before he dumped you
because of your gambling addiction?

133
00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:56,760
Yes, it was.

134
00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,120
Yeah.

135
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,600
I love dancing.

136
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,600
The feeling of being swept away.

137
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:04,840
Away from all your...

138
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,400
Oh! Ooh, you don't mind, do you?

139
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:11,160
I mean, er, in the chapel.

140
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:13,200
Oh, er...no. No.

141
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:16,760
I'm not sure if the Bible has a view
on inflatable sex toys, exactly.

142
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:19,800
Anyway, I should go,
cos I've got lots to do.

143
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,480
I should crack on.

144
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,520
GENTLE WALTZ MUSIC PLAYS

145
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,320
LOUDER WALTZ MUSIC

146
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:54,840
Well, now!

147
00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:56,080
It's for my wedding, OK?

148
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,520
Charlotte's more open-minded
than I thought.

149
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,560
I'm trying to learn the waltz
for my first dance.

150
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,480
Yet another reason not to get
married, eh? Dancing's bad enough...

151
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:04,960
Mary said it'd be sexy.

152
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,760
Mary was wrong. She said

153
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,720
she could never say no
to a man who could dance.

154
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,720
She said what now?
She said she could never say no

155
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:11,760
to a man who could dance.

156
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,240
Simon, you and I are going to learn
how to dance.

157
00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,200
What? This Mexican night
will have dancing.

158
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,120
Oh, it is going to have a lot
of dancing.

159
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:20,520
This is going to be the theme night
to end all theme nights.

160
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,480
But not in the same way
that Pakistani night nearly was.

161
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,520
Great, well, I'll tell Mary.
No! Noooo.

162
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,000
Let's keep it as a nice surprise.

163
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,480
What's the filthiest dance on here?

164
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,600
Mm, probably the tango.

165
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,480
It's basically vertical dry-humping.

166
00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:35,120
Right, we're learning that.
That's Argentinian, not Mexican.

167
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,040
So? Salsa's Mexican.

168
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,960
Salsa's for wankers.
We're doing the tango.

169
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,320
Besides, it's time we learned to
embrace our Argentinian friends.

170
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:44,160
Unless they try it on again, in which
case, we'll brass the fuckers up.

171
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:46,440
Hang on! I need to learn the waltz.

172
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:50,120
Simon, tango with me, I promise you
waltzing to your heart's content.

173
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:51,640
Fine. Right.

174
00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:53,560
BOTH: You're being the women.
No!

175
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,840
Simon, this is for Mary.
You're being the woman.

176
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,520
As long as you're the woman for me
later.

177
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,520
Simon, I thought you'd never ask.

178
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:06,520

 She don't want to go outside
tonight

179
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:10,080

 Cos in a pipe
she'll fly to the motherland

180
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,560

 Find love with another man

181
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,480

 It's too cold outside

182
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:19,160

 For angels to fly. 


183
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,240
ROCKET: That was nice!

184
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,600
Yes, thank you very much,
Chris fucking Martin.

185
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,240
It's Ed Sheeran, actually, boss.

186
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:28,840
You learnt that
in a couple of hours?

187
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,120
Well, yeah, I had a head start,
I used to play the viola.

188
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:32,640
So, have we got any transport coming

189
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:34,720
or do I get to sit around
for four to six more hours?

190
00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,800
Oi, oi, Bird! Coming.

191
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:40,520
Anyway, the local farmer's
got a sick goat, so I'd better go.

192
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,240
Hearts and minds, you know?

193
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:43,640
Oh!
SHE GIGGLES

194
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,080
Hearts and minds, yeah. Good one.

195
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:50,040
Hearts and minds, even
the hearts and minds of the goats.

196
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,440
Yeah, I think I said
hearts and minds too much.

197
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,440
I'm all about the hearts and minds.

198
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,840
And the other organs, of course.

199
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,640
Oh! Because, yeah, yeah,
you are a vet.

200
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,560
Brilliant. Brilliant.

201
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:05,200
Bird! Come on!

202
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,440
Oh, well... B...

203
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,960
Er, b-bye, then, um...
Hearts and minds!

204
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,000
OK.

205
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,360
So where we off to, Bird?
Oh, sorry,

206
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,240
I should have said, it's a false
alarm. Oh, bloody hell!

207
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,280
We've been sitting here
like arseholes!

208
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:24,320
We really do have fuck-all to do.
Thanks for the immediate heads-up.

209
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,880
Sorry, boss, I was just getting
the full story off Tom.

210
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,760
The vet. I mean, Captain Parikh.

211
00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,520
ALL HOOT WITH DERISION

212
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,240
Fuck every last one of you.

213
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,240
Do you want to know the real reason
why it was a false alarm?

214
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:37,800
No, we'd rather just take the piss
out of you for a few more minutes.

215
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,840
"Oh, Tom! Oh, Tom!"
"Hold me tonight!"

216
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,440
Guys?

217
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:45,080
I'd really like a hand making
some bunting for Mexican night.

218
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:46,720
Nah!
What did your last slave die of?

219
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,480
We've all got important things
to do. Full kit check at 1500.

220
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,800
What did YOUR last slave die of?
Oi, you heard!

221
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,040
Kit check! Come on! Not you, Simon,

222
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:57,560
we've got to go through
our...movement controls.

223
00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:59,040
What's that? Nothing.

224
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,400
I just want to do something useful
around the base.

225
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,000
Oh, cos you noticed that none
of those prayers of yours

226
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,920
ever get answered? Well,
one of them certainly hasn't been.

227
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,800
WOMAN ON DVD: 'So you want to learn
the dance of love?'

228
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,280
Come on,
we've got to get this right.

229
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:20,800
It's not for me, this is for Mary.

230
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:24,320
We're going to make this Mexican
night unforgettable.

231
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,840
Believe me, I'm not going to forget
this in a hurry.

232
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:28,240
TANGO MUSIC

233
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,360
Ah! The dance party
that dare not speak its name.

234
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,360
Well, don't mind me.

235
00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:39,840
Have you heard Millsy
on that guitar? Boy's a genius.

236
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,400
He's wasting his life
titting about with IEDs.

237
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,160
He could be the next James Blunt.

238
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:47,720
I dabbled, of course.

239
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:49,400
Singing.

240
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:50,720
Guitar.

241
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:54,160
Hanging around the place in ripped
jeans, whining about girls.

242
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,000
No sort of life, is it?

243
00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:58,160
No, sir. No, sir.

244
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,440

 You're beautiful

245
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,520

 It's true

246
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:08,880

 I see your face

247
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,320

 In a crowded place... 


248
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:15,880
TANGO MUSIC

249
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,480
Boss... I filled in the forms
from last month

250
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:25,720
which had a deadline of last week,

251
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,120
so shall I get started on...?
Boss, are you learning to tango?

252
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,720
No! Why would you think that?

253
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:32,040
Well, I do watch Strictly.
That is, my mum watches Strictly.

254
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:33,600
Actually, we all watch it
if it's on...

255
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,640
All right, Millsy. I'm going to
surprise Mary with a tango

256
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,800
at the Mexican night. Oh, right, but
you know the tango's from Argentina?

257
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,440
Yes, I know, Millsy. Sorry, boss.

258
00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:42,800
No-one will notice it's from
Argentina if there's a shitload

259
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,320
of Mexican bunting and flags
and all that.

260
00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:46,800
Can you make a shitload of Mexican
bunting and flags and all that?

261
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,120
Yeah, but, sir, I've got to do
the... Bunt, Millsy, now.

262
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,000
Boss, the paperwork? Millsy!

263
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,320
It's MoD paperwork, bollocks to it.
This is important.

264
00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:54,680
You heard me - get bunting.

265
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,280
And whatever you do, don't tell
Mac and Rocket about the dancing.

266
00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,240
Why not?
Have you met Mac and Rocket?

267
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,840
We'd never hear the end of it.

268
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:03,400
IN SCOTTISH ACCENT:
"What you doing? Dancing?!

269
00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,160
"Gay! Gay! Gay!"

270
00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,120
"Gay..."

271
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,880
Right, Simon.

272
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,240
May I have this dance?

273
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:15,880
TANGO MUSIC

274
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,080
There you go. Lovely.

275
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,040
Excuse me...

276
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,840
I'm so glad we found
this secret place.

277
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,240
MUSIC STOPS

278
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:31,440
Have you seen Corporal Bird?
Why do you want to know?

279
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,720
She seems like
a friendly enough sort, and...

280
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,320
Oh, does she? Does she indeed?

281
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:38,680
Simon, go and round up Rocket, Mac
and Millsy, meet me in my quarters.

282
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,080
You.

283
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,960
Come with me. Let's go find her.

284
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,840
So, you're interested
in Corporal Bird?

285
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:51,520
You said we were going to find her?

286
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,640
Let me introduce the committee.
I'm Captain Medhurst,

287
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,360
this is Corporal Mills,
Lance Corporal Lansley

288
00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:01,600
and Private Armstrong.
And your worst nightmare, and ours,

289
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,120
Private McDowell.

290
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,120
Hello, spunk monkey.

291
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,440
OK, this has been fun.
So I'm just going to...

292
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,880
Fun? Oh, we're not here for fun.

293
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:12,840
This is all part of the...
vetting process.

294
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,400
LAUGHTER

295
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,800
We're just very concerned
for Bird's well-being.

296
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:21,120
And we've got bugger all else to do.
So, Parikh...

297
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:24,320
..what are your intentions
towards her?

298
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:26,080
Intentions? I'm not marrying her.

299
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:27,800
Oh, so you just want to use her
for sex.

300
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,560
Wrong answer! Oh, come on...

301
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,240
Shall I smack him, boss?

302
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:32,760
Uh...not yet.

303
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,160
So, come on, dog boy.
Do you think you can keep her

304
00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,600
in the manner to which
she's become accustomed?

305
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,600
No' hard, to be honest. TV remote

306
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,920
and a packet of Hobnobs,
she's happy.

307
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:46,160
What we want to know, Captain -
how much do you make?

308
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,680
None of your business!

309
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,080
Answer, fucknuts!

310
00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:52,040
Just over 40K.

311
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,000
I am fucking retraining.
That's double what I get.

312
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,720
Well done, you!
It's no' fair,

313
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:56,880
yous don't even get shot at.

314
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,120
Well, I do get shat on.

315
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:01,440
Even so, Captain, you are, with all
due respect, a first-class pussy

316
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:04,000
who minced his way through the
Vicars and Tarts course at Sandhurst

317
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,000
because he was good at biology.

318
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,480
Anyone else got any questions?

319
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,760
Aye. How far away is the moon?

320
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,160
You got any STDs?

321
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,040
No. I bloody haven't.

322
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,240
You spend your time
with your hand up a cow's arse.

323
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,600
You must have been tempted to slip
one in. No, Private.

324
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,640
I've never been tempted
to slip one in.

325
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:24,040
And it's not their arse,
but their vagina.

326
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,640
Hmm. Interesting.

327
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,720
Now, listen, Parikh.

328
00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,160
We'll be watching you.

329
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,280
And if you mistreat Bird
in any way...

330
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:35,000
Mac? I'll rip your arms off

331
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,000
and stuff them up your arse!

332
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,200
Or should I say...

333
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,640
vagina?

334
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,080
Have you ever been to Mexico, Bird?

335
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,280
Nope.

336
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:01,720
Will and I went once on a holiday.

337
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,760
Well, it was in a resort in Cancun.

338
00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,040
Will did find
some lovely local things for us to...

339
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,280
SHE GROANS
It's all in the past.

340
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:09,560
I'm really getting that.

341
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:13,040
I didn't know the Mexican flag
had a hedgehog in the middle of it.

342
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:14,320
It's an eagle!

343
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,120
CLEARS THROAT
It's an eagle.

344
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,480
Sorry, I'm just really determined
to make Mexican night

345
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,760
a flipping success.

346
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:22,520
Tom! Morning.

347
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:25,680
Oh, hello, er, Corporal.
Want to grab a pew?

348
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,720
Well, I'm not really, I mean...

349
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:30,560
It's all right, I won't bite.
And if I do, I haven't got rabies.

350
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:33,840
That sounded classier in my head.

351
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,040
It was funny. Ha-ha.

352
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,240
Although, rabies is actually quite
a serious problem out here.

353
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:40,560
Right.

354
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,440
Have a seat. Uh...OK.

355
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:49,640
So, how's Monty looking?

356
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:50,760
Better.

357
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,080
And you're staying for...?
One more day.

358
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,400
And...

359
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,120
what's your favourite colour?

360
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,440
Blue. Who've you been talking to?

361
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,320
I didn't catch all of their names...

362
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,560
I mean, no-one.

363
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:06,960
I have to go now. Bye.

364
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,880
Ah! Mexican night.

365
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:15,440
Good work, Padre.

366
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,080
Thankless task.

367
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:18,680
Still, nice hedgehog.

368
00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:25,080
TANGO MUSIC

369
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:28,280
'Feel the rhythm of the music
and dip your partner!'

370
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:29,960
OK, stop, stop.

371
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,000
Great! Can we learn the waltz now?

372
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,360
At some point. Right.

373
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,600
This track's no good
because of the voice-over.

374
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,920
You know what Mary would like?

375
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,840
Live music.

376
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,560
Millsy, you're going to have to
learn tango music on that guitar.

377
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,600
Kind of got my hands full
with bunting, boss.

378
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,600
And we've run out of paper, so...

379
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,840
Yeah. I'm not sure
that Mary would...

380
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,480
Never mind. Carry on,
and take this DVD back a bit.

381
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:56,800
Right.

382
00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,840
'Feel the rhythm of the music
and dip your partner.'

383
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,320
What the fuck have you lot
been saying to...?

384
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,520
Let me stop there. What the fuck?
Bloody hell, Nick.

385
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,920
I thought Thursday night
was man-love night.

386
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,680
It's for his wedding.
Anyway, what have you lot

387
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,000
been saying to Parikh?
Cos I just tried talking to him

388
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,840
and he could not have given
less of a shit.

389
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,520
Were you telling him your
"I once met a Spice Girl" story?

390
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:20,680
No.

391
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,520
And FYI, that is a good story.

392
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,040
Which one did you meet, by the way?
Mel C. Sporty.

393
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:27,280
I always liked Ginger.

394
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,320
Oh, what?! Oh, Jesus!

395
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,160
I know, I'm not proud of it.
You shouldn't be.

396
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,360
Ginger was the boring one
that boring people fancied

397
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:34,040
because they thought
she was a bit racy.

398
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,840
You know, the kind of guys
that think

399
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:37,800
that doggy-style
is really out there.

400
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,160
I mean, obviously,
I fancied the other four as well.

401
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,000
Actually, I had this dream once
where all five of them were...

402
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,880
SHE GROANS
Never mind.

403
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,360
So, look, are you going to help us
prepare for Mexican night

404
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:49,840
behind Mary's back? Ooo-oo-ooh!

405
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:52,000
Nick and Mary up a tree

406
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,480

 D-A-N-C-I-N-G. 


407
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,080
Dancing?

408
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,360
Up a tree? Yeah.

409
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:01,680
Look, can you bunt so that Millsy
can get on

410
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,160
and learn his tango music?

411
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,880
OK. OK, but you need to fix this
with Parikh.

412
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,320
And...be subtle, right?

413
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,240
Subtle. Right.

414
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:13,920
What's wrong with Corporal Bird?!

415
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,800
Nothing! As far as I can tell,

416
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,400
while keeping a respectful distance.

417
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,920
Yeah, well, your respectful distance

418
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:22,320
is starting to come across
as fucking rude. FUCKING RUDE!

419
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,560
Right, what arm first, boss?
Get off!

420
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:25,880
He's no' good enough for Bird.

421
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:27,480
Up to your elbow
in a cow's jacksie?!

422
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:31,240
Vagina, it's the vagina! Because
the jacksie would be disgusting?

423
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,560
Sometimes you have to clear out
the rectum before you...

424
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:34,840
It's not important.

425
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,080
You're lucky to have Bird
interested in you at all.

426
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:38,640
It certainly doesn't feel that way.

427
00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:39,840
She's honest. She's loyal.

428
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:42,200
She's a surprisingly considerate
lover.

429
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,360
ALL: What?!

430
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:44,640
Yeah.

431
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:46,080
Yeah, happened in Andover,

432
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:48,760
when we said we were going
to the George and Dragon.

433
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,800
Just got it out the way,
said we'd never speak of it again.

434
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,360
Well, to each other, anyway.

435
00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:55,680
I spent bloody ages looking
for that pub.

436
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,360
Anyway, any more questions
for Parikh?

437
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:58,920
Aye.

438
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,600
How tall's a brontosaurus?

439
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,160
Morning, all.

440
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:03,360
Don't get up.

441
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,880
Actually, I'm tied to the chair.

442
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,720
Oh, yes. Mary seems to be

443
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,800
in a bit of a funk
about this Mexican night,

444
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,880
thinks she's not getting enough
support.

445
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,480
I presume you're organising it
secretly behind her back

446
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:17,920
to try and impress her? Um...
Good-oh. Anything I can do, etc.

447
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:23,000
Parikh, we're having
a mini-shindig tonight.

448
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,040
A min-dig, if you will.

449
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,160
You're going to ask Bird along,
I think?

450
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,400
We... Thought so.

451
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:30,800
Carry on.

452
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:36,640
You heard him. RUN!

453
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,080
Corporal Bird. Could we...?

454
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:55,760
Yes, Captain Parikh?

455
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,600
So, Corporal, I...

456
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:10,760
I was wondering if you would like
to go to this mini-shindig with me.

457
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,760
Min-dig? Yeah, go on, then. Great.

458
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,040
So I'll see you at 20:00 hours?

459
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,280
Will do.

460
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,760
I'll be the one wearing this.

461
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:20,920
Right.

462
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,000
NICK SNIGGERS

463
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:28,440
Right, I think we've got them all.
I'm going in.

464
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,480
BARKING
Wait, boss.

465
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,800
Monty's thinking about something.

466
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,440
Well, I'll be sure not to tread
in it. Thank you, Bird.

467
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,680
He's found another device,
just outside the five and 20s.

468
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:40,880
Shit.

469
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,720
That's a bit close for comfort.

470
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,720
OK, we've got to move back,
everyone.

471
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,120
Come on.

472
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:50,960
There's a good boy, well done,
well done, Monty!

473
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:55,480
Now all you need to do is use
the disruptor to cut the wire...

474
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,360
Tell you what, I'll do that.

475
00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:01,200
Who's a good boy? A good boy!

476
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,440
Do animals really have vaginas?

477
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:18,840
Aye.

478
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,360
Obviously.

479
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:21,680
Do they?

480
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,200
You just never think of it.

481
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,600
Course they have vaginas.

482
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,840
Otherwise how would they shag
each other?

483
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:29,960
What about fish?

484
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:32,120
Eh?

485
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:34,880
Fish. Do fish have vaginas?

486
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,760
Aye. They must do...

487
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,680
so they can get fish fingered.

488
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,040
Fish don't have fingers. I know.

489
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:42,720
They're just called fish fingers

490
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:45,320
but they're actually just made up
of wee bits of fish.

491
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:46,800
Aye, I...

492
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,240
Forget it.

493
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:51,360
What about whales?

494
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:53,680
Whales probably have vaginas.

495
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,360
Massive fucking vaginas.

496
00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:58,720
I think most animals have vaginas.

497
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:01,360
Or some other thing for shagging
and for having baby animals out of.

498
00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:03,080
Baby animals come out of vaginas?!

499
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,200
Aye!
Where do you think they come out of?

500
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:12,280
Where is everybody?

501
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,120
TANGO MUSIC

502
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:25,440
Come on, Nick!

503
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,520
Light, light on the feet!

504
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:28,720
I'm wearing boots.

505
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,640
It's about attitude, not footwear.

506
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:34,880
Look, can we just stop this now
and start to learn the waltz?

507
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,360
Because Charlotte was quite
insistent. What, you expect me

508
00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:39,800
to compromise my non-existent
relationship with Mary

509
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,240
for some wedding? Now, come on.

510
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:42,920
Look, I just think...

511
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:44,760
All right, ladies, simmer down.

512
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:47,560
Take it back, Millsy,
I want to practise the dip again.

513
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:49,880
TANGO MUSIC

514
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,640
What the fuck is this?!

515
00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:57,120
Exactly.

516
00:22:57,120 --> 00:22:59,640
If that's meant to be a tango hold,
you've got serious problems.

517
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,200
What? Eh?

518
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,600
Used to represent my school
at Scottish country dancing.

519
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,560
Only did a wee bit of ballroom, but
I know a dodgy hold when I see one.

520
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,560
Well, this takes the heat off me.

521
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,920
Mac, if you'd like to get started
on the jokes.

522
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,360
Dancing, gay, Rocket's a buftie...

523
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:16,960
Nothing gay
about Scottish country dancing.

524
00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:21,040
I thought you were
one of the good guys, Skip.

525
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,080
But that's both homophobic
and racist.

526
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:24,720
You need to take

527
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,200
a long, hard look at yourself.
HE TUTS

528
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:29,760
What about the Gay Gordons?

529
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:34,200
There's nothing fucking gay
about the Gay fucking Gordons!

530
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,000
I stand corrected.

531
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,920
Speaking of which, Rocket, come
and show us a proper tango hold.

532
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,440
Come on, come on.

533
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,880
Mmm... Mm-hmm.

534
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,480
I was doing that.

535
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:50,080
And...

536
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:51,880
one, two, three, four.

537
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,240
One, two, three, four.

538
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,080
I'm impressed, Rocket.

539
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:59,120
Thanks, boss. Didn't know
you could count that high.

540
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:08,640
You know, I didn't expect anyone
to help,

541
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,480
but I thought people would come.

542
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:12,400
I mean,
at least for the free Doritos.

543
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:13,440
No.

544
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,080
There you go. Cheers.

545
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,760
Good work, Padre. Like the flag.

546
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,400
Gucci hedgehog.

547
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,000
Sorry, I...
I'm going to leave you to it.

548
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,400
So, did I tell you I met Mel C?
From the Spice Girls?

549
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,000
Really? Yep.

550
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,600
How come? Well...

551
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:41,520
I was shopping with my sister...

552
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,360
Vamos!

553
00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:46,080
FANFARE

554
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,720
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
tonight's star attraction,

555
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,280
a mariachi tribute band!

556
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:55,680
I say tribute, because tonight
is the night mariachi music dies.

557
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,920
Please go wild
for Los Dross Moss Bros!

558
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,280
CHEERING

559
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:08,360
Go on, boys!

560
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:13,040
BAND PLAYS MARIACHI MUSIC

561
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,960
This is amazing!
Such a lovely surprise,

562
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,880
just when I thought you were being
a complete twat about it.

563
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:24,280
Oh, it is,
it's just like Cancun...ish.

564
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,600
Well, we had a little spare time
on our hands, so...

565
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:27,760
What's the bunting made out of?

566
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:30,880
Oh, interesting. OK.

567
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,480
Mac personally sacrificed
30 porno mags to make it.

568
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,480
I'm touched. You should be.
Nearly 10% of his library.

569
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:38,760
Although I'm not really sure
how Mexican it is.

570
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,840
There's a Brazilian.
That's pretty close.

571
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,120
BAND PLAYS TANGO MUSIC

572
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,120
CHEERING

573
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:19,960
SHE SOBS

574
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,840
What's the matter? Sorry, sorry.

575
00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:29,040
It's Will.

576
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:32,160
I miss him so much. I'm sorry.
You're kidding!

577
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,800
Will you let me up, please?

578
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:39,400
I need...I need some time to think.

579
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,040
You have got to be fucking joking!

580
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,200
You'd better carry on. Sir.

581
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:52,120
TANGO MUSIC

582
00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:53,360
Well, we've learnt it now.

583
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,760
And there she was.

584
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:01,840
Mel C.

585
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:03,400
Wow. Yeah.

586
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:06,920
You know, I've always had
a bit of a thing for the ginger one.

587
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:11,400
Really? Yeah! Yeah.

588
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,400
Right.

589
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:16,960
I think we're done here.

590
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:23,960
So...

591
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,320
tomorrow we learn the waltz,
as promised.

592
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,360
Promised? Doesn't sound like me.

593
00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:29,560
For the last 24 hours,

594
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:32,280
we've done nothing...
Don't worry, Simon.

595
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,520
Rocket? Boss?

596
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,240
Cut in, that's an order.
There you go, Simon.

597
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:38,920
Waltz lessons.

598
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:41,680
It's a piece of piss.

599
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:43,960
Just do a triangle with your feet.
HE BURPS

600
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:47,280
Oh, how many Doritos have you eaten?

601
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,120
Only ten bags.

602
00:27:49,170 --> 00:27:53,720
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